LT Features

“Crack, Crack” – My Heart I’m thinking about becoming a matchmaker.  Don’t worry, I won’t abandon LT Features, but I do think I need to capitalize on my true skills.  You see, I have realized that there is a science to dating and, for a small price, I’m willing to share my secret with the world.  Ok fine, twist my arm, I’ll tell you for free.  Ready for it?  Here I go - I have realized that it is all about supply and demand.  Most girls’ daydreams are filled with images of Leonardo DiCaprio fanning them with a giant leaf or Channing Tatum feeding them grapes.  Who wouldn’t love to have Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler on their arm?  Because they’re all so desperately handsome and charming they are thus harder to get to because their demand is high.  Dating an A-list star is difficult because there are a relatively small number of eligible celebrity bachelors compared to the number of regular ol’ folk like me… err, I mean the clients I would be setting up.  I say it is about time we all smartened up and decided to set my sights our sites on the real talent out there – the Directors! Stop the presses!  I have just been informed that my dearly beloved, Eli Roth, has (allegedly) proposed to his girlfriend, Peaches.  Now I am a classy girl so I won’t say anything mean about Peaches but really, Eli?  Really?? I thought we had something!  Remember when you exorcised me and basically saved my life?  Remember when you re-tweeted me?  Remember out time at Comic-Con?  Do those memories mean NOTHING to you?  I just looked up “Eli Roth, Los Angeles” in the white pages and the number provided is not correct.  No sir, not correct at all.  Why Eli, why?  Way to ruin my long weekend. Ugh.  I’ll fill you in on our EPIX Live: Lewis Black event tomorrow after I watch The Love Guru on repeat and eat the pain away.  Read my post on how to win the hat signed by that heartbreaker Eli and Daniel Stamm… I don’t want it anymore! L.T.

“Crack, Crack” – My Heart

I’m thinking about becoming a matchmaker.  Don’t worry, I won’t abandon LT Features, but I do think I need to capitalize on my true skills.  You see, I have realized that there is a science to dating and, for a small price, I’m willing to share my secret with the world.  Ok fine, twist my arm, I’ll tell you for free.  Ready for it?  Here I go - I have realized that it is all about supply and demand.  Most girls’ daydreams are filled with images of Leonardo DiCaprio fanning them with a giant leaf or Channing Tatum feeding them grapes.  Who wouldn’t love to have Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler on their arm?  Because they’re all so desperately handsome and charming they are thus harder to get to because their demand is high.  Dating an A-list star is difficult because there are a relatively small number of eligible celebrity bachelors compared to the number of regular ol’ folk like me… err, I mean the clients I would be setting up.  I say it is about time we all smartened up and decided to set my sights our sites on the real talent out there – the Directors!

Stop the presses! 

I have just been informed that my dearly beloved, Eli Roth, has (allegedly) proposed to his girlfriend, Peaches.  Now I am a classy girl so I won’t say anything mean about Peaches but really, Eli?  Really?? I thought we had something!  Remember when you exorcised me and basically saved my life?  Remember when you re-tweeted me?  Remember out time at Comic-Con?  Do those memories mean NOTHING to you?  I just looked up “Eli Roth, Los Angeles” in the white pages and the number provided is not correct.  No sir, not correct at all.  Why Eli, why?  Way to ruin my long weekend.

Ugh.  I’ll fill you in on our EPIX Live: Lewis Black event tomorrow after I watch The Love Guru on repeat and eat the pain away.  Read my post on how to win the hat signed by that heartbreaker Eli and Daniel Stamm… I don’t want it anymore!

L.T.

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Mad Men (and Women) EPIX is a pretty lovey-dovey environment.  We all sit in a big open area and talk to each other throughout the day.  We even occasionally coordinate our clothing or break into song if the mood strikes.  But, like every family, we have our moments of dysfunction.  Sometimes I look around the room and think to myself, “if so-and-so doesn’t stop tapping their feet/whistling/complaining I am going to lose it.”  Yes, we all have our annoying little traits and yes, we all fantasize about fighting each other to the death, Gladiator style (I’m not the only one, right?) but of course we never act on these thoughts.  I wish I could take a lesson from G. Wills on how to maintain a constant air of ultimate zen-dom, but I think a few other people in the industry need his guidance more than I do.  I mean, it is bad enough to flip your lid in front of your co-workers but can you imagine if your faux pas were available for everyone to see and hear? For example, Mel Gibson could use a chill pill or two.  Russell Crowe has had a few moments of less-than-clear thinking and Christian Bale can get pretty crabby when things aren’t the way he likes them.  Sean Penn has been known to take a swing when a petulant paparazzo gets too close and Alec Baldwin can be one mean Mr. Mom.  The ladies are no exception either – Lily Tomlin had a bit of a meltdown on the set of I Heart Huckabees and Lindsay Lohan has been known to have episodes of hmm… non-composure.  I’m not sympathizing with these stars because, like I said, I have somehow managed to keep my act (somewhat) together, but rather I want to thank them for providing a little bit of added, unscripted entertainment to my life.  Thank you for making me feel less guilty about being snappy and for reminding me that it could always be much, much worse.  Thank you for catching your hissy fits on tape and for leaking them onto this crazy little thing called the Internet.  If it weren’t for you (and events like bald Britney swinging an umbrella around like The Penguin) then my days would be consumed with doom and gloom.  Well, doom, gloom, and movies. What other famous celebrity explosions have been caught on camera?  Leave a note in the comments telling me whom I accidentally left off of my crazy-town attendance list and if the whoops moments in the lives of actors and actresses (even if they occur off set) change your opinion of the films they star in.  Should we send them all to the naughty chair or make watching Anger Management on a loop a prerequisite for getting your S.A.G. card? L.T.

Mad Men (and Women)

EPIX is a pretty lovey-dovey environment.  We all sit in a big open area and talk to each other throughout the day.  We even occasionally coordinate our clothing or break into song if the mood strikes.  But, like every family, we have our moments of dysfunction.  Sometimes I look around the room and think to myself, “if so-and-so doesn’t stop tapping their feet/whistling/complaining I am going to lose it.”  Yes, we all have our annoying little traits and yes, we all fantasize about fighting each other to the death, Gladiator style (I’m not the only one, right?) but of course we never act on these thoughts.  I wish I could take a lesson from G. Wills on how to maintain a constant air of ultimate zen-dom, but I think a few other people in the industry need his guidance more than I do.  I mean, it is bad enough to flip your lid in front of your co-workers but can you imagine if your faux pas were available for everyone to see and hear?

For example, Mel Gibson could use a chill pill or two.  Russell Crowe has had a few moments of less-than-clear thinking and Christian Bale can get pretty crabby when things aren’t the way he likes them.  Sean Penn has been known to take a swing when a petulant paparazzo gets too close and Alec Baldwin can be one mean Mr. Mom.  The ladies are no exception either – Lily Tomlin had a bit of a meltdown on the set of I Heart Huckabees and Lindsay Lohan has been known to have episodes of hmm… non-composure.  I’m not sympathizing with these stars because, like I said, I have somehow managed to keep my act (somewhat) together, but rather I want to thank them for providing a little bit of added, unscripted entertainment to my life.  Thank you for making me feel less guilty about being snappy and for reminding me that it could always be much, much worse.  Thank you for catching your hissy fits on tape and for leaking them onto this crazy little thing called the Internet.  If it weren’t for you (and events like bald Britney swinging an umbrella around like The Penguin) then my days would be consumed with doom and gloom.  Well, doom, gloom, and movies.

What other famous celebrity explosions have been caught on camera?  Leave a note in the comments telling me whom I accidentally left off of my crazy-town attendance list and if the whoops moments in the lives of actors and actresses (even if they occur off set) change your opinion of the films they star in.  Should we send them all to the naughty chair or make watching Anger Management on a loop a prerequisite for getting your S.A.G. card?

L.T.

Just Call Me Louie I wear a lot of hats here at EPIX.  In addition to my adorable baseball cap and the occasional fedora (I’m neither a sports fanatic nor a hipster but sometimes my weave isn’t looking up to par) I also proudly boast my resident blogger hat.  But that’s not all… Sometimes I’m the den mother, sometimes I’m the office therapist and sometimes I’m the delivery boy.  Sometimes I’m the copywriter, sometimes I’m the jokester and occasionally (if there is a full moon) I’m the voice of reason.  Today I can add a new job to my resume… Lewis Black.  That’s right people!  Lewis has morphed from a politically savvy, sixty-year-old angry Jewish man into a wisecracking petite brunette millennial.  We both curse like sailors though, so luckily we didn’t need any adjustments in that department. I’m sure you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about.  Well, we are having an EPIX Live event with none other than my boy Lewis Black and since it is a big fancy event with questions coming from you all we need a host.  Conan O’Brian is busy, we we’re bringing in our own big guns.  Today we met with four different potential hosts and did screen tests in fancy EPIX director’s chairs in front of a green screen.  Doesn’t that sound so professional?  Anyway, we needed someone to play the role of Lewis so the potential hosts had someone to practice on and guess who was available… lil ol’ L.T! Sadly I won’t be hosting the real event, but I’ll see if I can get some out-takes of the rehearsal off of the cutting room floor to share with you all.  It’s pretty fun to improvise and respond to questions from someone else’s shoes.  I had a great time and I hope it comes across… hopefully it will entertain the Editors a bit!  Want to watch the pros and see how it is really done?  Tune in on September 1st at 3pm to see whom we picked to host and, of course, the incredible Lewis Black as they discuss his new documentary, Lewis Black: Basic Black!  You’ll also be able to send your questions in and he’ll answer them LIVE – how cool is that?  Leave a question in the comments below and I’ll try to sneak it to the top of the pile. L.T.

Just Call Me Louie

I wear a lot of hats here at EPIX.  In addition to my adorable baseball cap and the occasional fedora (I’m neither a sports fanatic nor a hipster but sometimes my weave isn’t looking up to par) I also proudly boast my resident blogger hat.  But that’s not all… Sometimes I’m the den mother, sometimes I’m the office therapist and sometimes I’m the delivery boy.  Sometimes I’m the copywriter, sometimes I’m the jokester and occasionally (if there is a full moon) I’m the voice of reason.  Today I can add a new job to my resume… Lewis Black.  That’s right people!  Lewis has morphed from a politically savvy, sixty-year-old angry Jewish man into a wisecracking petite brunette millennial.  We both curse like sailors though, so luckily we didn’t need any adjustments in that department.

I’m sure you’re wondering what the heck I’m talking about.  Well, we are having an EPIX Live event with none other than my boy Lewis Black and since it is a big fancy event with questions coming from you all we need a host.  Conan O’Brian is busy, we we’re bringing in our own big guns.  Today we met with four different potential hosts and did screen tests in fancy EPIX director’s chairs in front of a green screen.  Doesn’t that sound so professional?  Anyway, we needed someone to play the role of Lewis so the potential hosts had someone to practice on and guess who was available… lil ol’ L.T!

Sadly I won’t be hosting the real event, but I’ll see if I can get some out-takes of the rehearsal off of the cutting room floor to share with you all.  It’s pretty fun to improvise and respond to questions from someone else’s shoes.  I had a great time and I hope it comes across… hopefully it will entertain the Editors a bit! 

Want to watch the pros and see how it is really done?  Tune in on September 1st at 3pm to see whom we picked to host and, of course, the incredible Lewis Black as they discuss his new documentary, Lewis Black: Basic Black!  You’ll also be able to send your questions in and he’ll answer them LIVE – how cool is that?  Leave a question in the comments below and I’ll try to sneak it to the top of the pile.

L.T.

Dances with Teen Wolves Twenty-five years ago yesterday, the glorious film Teen Wolf was released.  Yes, twenty-five years ago.  So that whole Jacob vs. Edward hoopla was settled before they were even born (or un-born… I know vampires are eternal so not sure how the logistics of that work out).  I mean really, Dracula or a basketball-loving Michael J. Fox?  I’ll take Mike. High school can be pretty tough on it’s own, so imagine what it would be like if you suddenly morphed into a mythical creature.  It might seem cool to turn into a mermaid like Daryl Hannah in Splash, the centaur in The Chronicles of Narnia or a Leprechaun but honestly, unless you live in Cape Cod, Saratoga or Ireland then you would be totally out of luck.  Sadly there isn’t a place where teenage werewolves can feel at home, (unless there is a boarding school in Transylvania that includes electrolysis in the tuition that I’m not aware of), so I propose that we build a foundation dedicated just to these special teenagers.  Michael J. Fox can live there along with “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” and Eddie Murphy’s daughter in Imagine That.  What? A little girl who can predict the stock market with her blankie is a true mythical creature.  I’m currently collecting donations to build this institute, so feel free to go ahead and send a check to EPIX c/o L.T.  Pools filled with salt water for the mermaids and a barbershop to keep the werewolves looking sharp will be pricy but the money will be well worth it.  Not only is it a tax write-off, but I’ll also be sure to send you photographs of your own teenage mythical creature so you can watch from afar as they refine their unique talents and learn to control their raging desires to morph into their alter egos. Still wondering what’s up with my title?  I’m trying to get our Editors to make a mash-up with Teen Wolf and Dances with Wolves.  Hopefully if I keep shoving my witty title in their face they’ll make the segment just to shut me up.  Hey, no harm in being the squeaky wheel, right? L.T.

Dances with Teen Wolves

Twenty-five years ago yesterday, the glorious film Teen Wolf was released.  Yes, twenty-five years ago.  So that whole Jacob vs. Edward hoopla was settled before they were even born (or un-born… I know vampires are eternal so not sure how the logistics of that work out).  I mean really, Dracula or a basketball-loving Michael J. Fox?  I’ll take Mike.

High school can be pretty tough on it’s own, so imagine what it would be like if you suddenly morphed into a mythical creature.  It might seem cool to turn into a mermaid like Daryl Hannah in Splash, the centaur in The Chronicles of Narnia or a Leprechaun but honestly, unless you live in Cape Cod, Saratoga or Ireland then you would be totally out of luck. 

Sadly there isn’t a place where teenage werewolves can feel at home, (unless there is a boarding school in Transylvania that includes electrolysis in the tuition that I’m not aware of), so I propose that we build a foundation dedicated just to these special teenagers.  Michael J. Fox can live there along with “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” and Eddie Murphy’s daughter in Imagine That.  What? A little girl who can predict the stock market with her blankie is a true mythical creature.  I’m currently collecting donations to build this institute, so feel free to go ahead and send a check to EPIX c/o L.T.  Pools filled with salt water for the mermaids and a barbershop to keep the werewolves looking sharp will be pricy but the money will be well worth it.  Not only is it a tax write-off, but I’ll also be sure to send you photographs of your own teenage mythical creature so you can watch from afar as they refine their unique talents and learn to control their raging desires to morph into their alter egos.

Still wondering what’s up with my title?  I’m trying to get our Editors to make a mash-up with Teen Wolf and Dances with Wolves.  Hopefully if I keep shoving my witty title in their face they’ll make the segment just to shut me up.  Hey, no harm in being the squeaky wheel, right?

L.T.

 The L.T. Decree Hello dear readers – this meeting is now in session.  We have a few orders of business to tend to.  First, I would like to congratulate Ryan for his hilarious and adorable joke that won him an EPIX hat signed by another funny guy, Louis C.K.  Nice work, Ryan!  Thank you for participating in the contest and for making me chuckle.  And don’t forget to watch Louis’ stand-up-act, Hilarious, when it comes to EPIX on September 18th.  Next on our agenda, I would like to draw your attention to two big events we have in store for the weekend.  Saturday is the world premiere of the EPIX exclusive behind-the-scenes documentary Inferno: The Making of The Expendables.  I’ve seen bits of pieces of it already (and you can too – just check out the movie page) and it looks incredible!  You can only watch it when it premieres on the EPIX Network at 10pm ET or on EpixHD.com so don’t even bother trying to catch it anywhere else.  Not like you would cheat on EPIX like that, but regardless.  Lastly, sweet, gentle, grandmotherly Madea (played by none other than Tyler Perry himself) is at it again in Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself which premieres on EPIX this Sunday.  Try saying that ten-times fast. Between Sylvester Stallone and Madea I’m going to have a busy weekend!  Oh my goodness – can you imagine if you actually were standing between those two?  You would come out looking like Flat Stanly. Don’t forget to participate in The Last Exorcism contest that I have brewing for a chance to win an EPIX hat signed by both Eli Roth and Daniel Stamm.  Sorry Ryan, you won’t be the only one sporting a sweet, signed hat this fall! All in favor?  AYE!  Meeting adjourned. L.T.

 The L.T. Decree

Hello dear readers – this meeting is now in session.  We have a few orders of business to tend to.  First, I would like to congratulate Ryan for his hilarious and adorable joke that won him an EPIX hat signed by another funny guy, Louis C.K.  Nice work, Ryan!  Thank you for participating in the contest and for making me chuckle.  And don’t forget to watch Louis’ stand-up-act, Hilarious, when it comes to EPIX on September 18th. 

Next on our agenda, I would like to draw your attention to two big events we have in store for the weekend.  Saturday is the world premiere of the EPIX exclusive behind-the-scenes documentary Inferno: The Making of The Expendables.  I’ve seen bits of pieces of it already (and you can too – just check out the movie page) and it looks incredible!  You can only watch it when it premieres on the EPIX Network at 10pm ET or on EpixHD.com so don’t even bother trying to catch it anywhere else.  Not like you would cheat on EPIX like that, but regardless.  Lastly, sweet, gentle, grandmotherly Madea (played by none other than Tyler Perry himself) is at it again in Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself which premieres on EPIX this Sunday.  Try saying that ten-times fast.

Between Sylvester Stallone and Madea I’m going to have a busy weekend!  Oh my goodness – can you imagine if you actually were standing between those two?  You would come out looking like Flat Stanly.

Don’t forget to participate in The Last Exorcism contest that I have brewing for a chance to win an EPIX hat signed by both Eli Roth and Daniel Stamm.  Sorry Ryan, you won’t be the only one sporting a sweet, signed hat this fall!

All in favor?  AYE!  Meeting adjourned.

L.T.

Exorcising Daily is Good For Your Health

You know when you have a big heaping plate of something delicious – just for argument’s sake, lets say it is a pile of mashed potatoes – and you start to feel yourself getting full but just can’t stop because it’s that good?  Well, my newfound obsession with The Last Exorcism is kind of like a non-edible version of that.  When I first got involved with the film I was at Comic-Con and despite an incredible interview with Daniel Stamm (the Director) and Eli Roth (the Producer) and an awesome panel discussion about the movie, I still avoided actually seeing the film for myself.  Then my boss forced me to go (if you think I deserve a raise can I get an “AMEN”) and I refused to close my eyes for the entire duration.  Then, realizing it was actually pretty incredible, I got mad at myself for waiting so long to see it. 

Yesterday morning I saw Daniel and Eli again for our date… I mean press interviews and resisted every urge in my body to ask them “what does it all mean?”  Talk about a dream scenario – seeing a film that you loved but have so many questions about and then being in the presence of the masterminds that created it.  Too bad I turn into a mute mannequin in the presence of celebrities.  My love affair continued with a morning full of watching, and re-watching, the movie’s viral campaign on You Tube.  I won’t spoil that for you – you must check it out yourself.  Basically I’m in a deeply complex and slightly dysfunctional relationship with The Last Exorcism.  I can’t seem to resist anything having to do with the movie even though, just like my creamy potato binge, it kind of hurts a little bit.  Everything is fine and dandy when the lights are on, but when I go to sleep at night I close my eyes and see Nell, the girl in the film who appears to be possessed, sitting in the corner looking super-duper creepy.  Shiver.

Anyway, I’ll try to bring myself back to reality for a bit and tell you all about the interviews yesterday.  Eli got there early (which is about as rare as a shooting star in the entertainment industry) and we all got to listen to him tell hilarious stories about his time back at film school.  Incredibly, he and EPIX’s own Jason were classmates so they were reminiscing about the good ol’ days.  I starred on, glassy-eyed in amazement nodding as if I had been right there with them.  I wanted to chime in, “Oh yeah, Film 101 – that class was great!” but maintained my air of composure.  I did my usual thing (smile and nod) and then when Daniel arrived, both Derek and Jason took turns interviewing the pair about their film.  Oh, and did I mention there were free bagels with all the fixings?!  Talk about a great morning.

Eli and Daniel signed an EPIX hat and although I want to stuff it with cotton and sew it closed so I can sleep with it like a teddy bear, I am going to give it away to one of you all.  To win it you need to perform your own staged exorcism (like the photo above) and TwitPic it to me @LTfeatures.  It doesn’t need to be elaborate, just give it your individual flair – the best one gets the hat! 

Good luck and happy exorcising.

L.T.

Hopefully Not the Last Exorcism First let me explain my title – as I mentioned yesterday, I was lucky enough to see an advance screening of The Last Exorcism - jealous? - and I sincerely hope that this is not the last we see of this story.  If I had a corporate card (hint, hint boss) then I would order an official L.T. approval stamp and pound it all over the film’s poster that we have hanging in our office.  The movie had the perfect amount of terror, suspense and surprise – basically it is, in my humble yet official opinion, what horror movies today should be like.  Obviously Daniel Stamm (the remarkable Director) and Eli Roth (the famous multi-talented Producer) were in the same boat as me and had had enough with the student-film-esque gratuitous blood and guts that have been flooding the cinemas recently and decided to take a more mature approach.  Why bother making a movie about ghosts and goblins when you can tackle something much more real and thus much more terrifying? I attended the panel discussion of the movie while at Comic-Con and one film fact sticks out in my memory – no special effects were used.  The body twisting and neck cracking was all done naturally which only further heightens the sense of fear because it makes everything possible.  Yes, she could be possessed, but it is also absolutely probable that she is faking it.  I walked out of the theatre feeling proud of myself for withstanding my urge to cover my eyes during the fleeting but nonetheless image-burning-into-your-brain moments and was surprised by the air of composure I had been able to maintain.  Perhaps fueled by the fact that I was sitting in between two co-workers, (and heaven forbid I let the real, slightly un-professional L.T slip out), I watched in amazement as my eyes darted around the screen waiting for the next scare to jump out at me.  Now that 24 hours have passed (and it isn’t dark outside) I can look back on the film and really reflect on all of the different layers that were presented.  You may think that The Last Exorcism is going to be reminiscent of its predecessor; the creepy crucifix-loving, head-spinning, barfing little girl in The Exorcist, but it’s not.  Originally titled Cotton after the film’s lead Reverend Cotton Marcus, the movie is much more about religion and belief than about exorcising anyone.  Nell, the girl who appears to be possessed, obviously needs to be saved but the question is from who - a demon, her father, her brother, her Pastor… herself?  Forget my two cents, here is the whole dollar – I believe the best part of the film is that every person who sees it will walk away with a different interpretation of it’s meaning.  The ultimate message and conclusion can be twisted to fit any belief system or personal experience.  Being raised Catholic and having lived in Louisiana (where the film is set) I had an extremely different take on the film than some of my EPIX peers.  But even the atheist New Yorkers amongst us walked away questioning the film and – dare I say – themselves! I’m going to stop myself now because I don’t want to spoil it for you, but trust me when I say it shouldn’t be missed.  Whenever someone says “trust me” I immediately disregard whatever it is they just said.  So… don’t do that!  Believe me! I kind of want to thank God for this movie but now, just like Cotton, I’m starting to think I should be thanking someone else… Maybe I’ll start with Daniel and Eli.   Thanks, boys!  Keep ‘em coming. All this talk and I still haven’t even mentioned the press interviews we had this morning with Daniel and Eli!  They even signed an EPIX hat which I am going to have a contest and give away - Wahooey!  Stay tuned for my next blog, which will be all about free prizes and less about my endless praise.  L.T.

Hopefully Not the Last Exorcism

First let me explain my title – as I mentioned yesterday, I was lucky enough to see an advance screening of The Last Exorcism - jealous? - and I sincerely hope that this is not the last we see of this story.  If I had a corporate card (hint, hint boss) then I would order an official L.T. approval stamp and pound it all over the film’s poster that we have hanging in our office.  The movie had the perfect amount of terror, suspense and surprise – basically it is, in my humble yet official opinion, what horror movies today should be like.  Obviously Daniel Stamm (the remarkable Director) and Eli Roth (the famous multi-talented Producer) were in the same boat as me and had had enough with the student-film-esque gratuitous blood and guts that have been flooding the cinemas recently and decided to take a more mature approach.  Why bother making a movie about ghosts and goblins when you can tackle something much more real and thus much more terrifying?

I attended the panel discussion of the movie while at Comic-Con and one film fact sticks out in my memory – no special effects were used.  The body twisting and neck cracking was all done naturally which only further heightens the sense of fear because it makes everything possible.  Yes, she could be possessed, but it is also absolutely probable that she is faking it.  I walked out of the theatre feeling proud of myself for withstanding my urge to cover my eyes during the fleeting but nonetheless image-burning-into-your-brain moments and was surprised by the air of composure I had been able to maintain.  Perhaps fueled by the fact that I was sitting in between two co-workers, (and heaven forbid I let the real, slightly un-professional L.T slip out), I watched in amazement as my eyes darted around the screen waiting for the next scare to jump out at me. 

Now that 24 hours have passed (and it isn’t dark outside) I can look back on the film and really reflect on all of the different layers that were presented.  You may think that The Last Exorcism is going to be reminiscent of its predecessor; the creepy crucifix-loving, head-spinning, barfing little girl in The Exorcist, but it’s not.  Originally titled Cotton after the film’s lead Reverend Cotton Marcus, the movie is much more about religion and belief than about exorcising anyone.  Nell, the girl who appears to be possessed, obviously needs to be saved but the question is from who - a demon, her father, her brother, her Pastor… herself? 

Forget my two cents, here is the whole dollar – I believe the best part of the film is that every person who sees it will walk away with a different interpretation of it’s meaning.  The ultimate message and conclusion can be twisted to fit any belief system or personal experience.  Being raised Catholic and having lived in Louisiana (where the film is set) I had an extremely different take on the film than some of my EPIX peers.  But even the atheist New Yorkers amongst us walked away questioning the film and – dare I say – themselves!

I’m going to stop myself now because I don’t want to spoil it for you, but trust me when I say it shouldn’t be missed.  Whenever someone says “trust me” I immediately disregard whatever it is they just said.  So… don’t do that!  Believe me! I kind of want to thank God for this movie but now, just like Cotton, I’m starting to think I should be thanking someone else… Maybe I’ll start with Daniel and Eli.   Thanks, boys!  Keep ‘em coming.

All this talk and I still haven’t even mentioned the press interviews we had this morning with Daniel and Eli!  They even signed an EPIX hat which I am going to have a contest and give away - Wahooey!  Stay tuned for my next blog, which will be all about free prizes and less about my endless praise. 

L.T.

Field Trips Galore Someone has been busy bee!  Yesterday I snuck out of the office to watch Derek in action as he interviewed Louis C. K. about his upcoming EPIX special, Hilarious.  Ah Louis, just another notch on my comedian bedpost… Lewis, Janeane, Kevin, David, Eddie – I’ve seen it all!  It was an exciting shoot and I was able to snag an EPIX hat signed by Louis himself.  Being that the EPIX hat goes with anything and everything and is a must-have for fall, I’m sure you’re all dying to get your grubby mitts on one - luckily it’s not too hard to snag.  All you have to do is leave a comment below with a joke, plain and simple.  The funniest one wins the hat. Why such a straightforward contest?  Well, I have a feeling I am going to be in desperate need of a chuckle when I get back to the office.  As if meeting Louis weren’t enough excitement for one lil’ blogger, I am now about to head out to a screening of The Last Exorcism.  I was miraculously able to avoid a previous screening of the film while I was at Comic-Con, but apparently the gig is up.  My boss has made sitting through this film obligatory.  Note I said “sitting,” not “watching.”  Yes, I’m undeniably a huge wuss, but fortunately I am also a sly gal.  Derek saved one of the sleep masks that we got as swag while we were in San Diego (I gave mine away to you guys!) and he lent it to me to sneak into the screening.  Don’t get me wrong, the movie looks incredible – it really does – but considering I still have nightmares about Ursula from The Little Mermaid, I don’t think I’ll be able to ever sleep again if I keep my eyes open through this frightful flick. If my EPIX co-workers really want to see what a possessed girl looks like, they only needs to wait a few more moments and then they’ll catch me kicking, screaming and being dragged down the hallway and into the theatre.  My tummy hurts. Don’t forget to cheer me up and get a chance to win a sweet signed hat by leaving a joke below! L.T. UPDATE August  20th, 2010 – We have a winner! 

Field Trips Galore

Someone has been busy bee!  Yesterday I snuck out of the office to watch Derek in action as he interviewed Louis C. K. about his upcoming EPIX special, Hilarious.  Ah Louis, just another notch on my comedian bedpost… Lewis, Janeane, Kevin, David, Eddie – I’ve seen it all!  It was an exciting shoot and I was able to snag an EPIX hat signed by Louis himself.  Being that the EPIX hat goes with anything and everything and is a must-have for fall, I’m sure you’re all dying to get your grubby mitts on one - luckily it’s not too hard to snag.  All you have to do is leave a comment below with a joke, plain and simple.  The funniest one wins the hat.

Why such a straightforward contest?  Well, I have a feeling I am going to be in desperate need of a chuckle when I get back to the office.  As if meeting Louis weren’t enough excitement for one lil’ blogger, I am now about to head out to a screening of The Last Exorcism.  I was miraculously able to avoid a previous screening of the film while I was at Comic-Con, but apparently the gig is up.  My boss has made sitting through this film obligatory.  Note I said “sitting,” not “watching.”  Yes, I’m undeniably a huge wuss, but fortunately I am also a sly gal.  Derek saved one of the sleep masks that we got as swag while we were in San Diego (I gave mine away to you guys!) and he lent it to me to sneak into the screening.  Don’t get me wrong, the movie looks incredible – it really does – but considering I still have nightmares about Ursula from The Little Mermaid, I don’t think I’ll be able to ever sleep again if I keep my eyes open through this frightful flick.

If my EPIX co-workers really want to see what a possessed girl looks like, they only needs to wait a few more moments and then they’ll catch me kicking, screaming and being dragged down the hallway and into the theatre.  My tummy hurts.

Don’t forget to cheer me up and get a chance to win a sweet signed hat by leaving a joke below!

L.T.

UPDATE August  20th, 2010 – We have a winner! 

In Case You Didn’t Notice… Today is Friday the 13th Today is Friday the 13th - Ohhh spooooooky! I’ve been referring to today as “D-Day” for the past couple of weeks because I am moving today.  Yup, right at this very moment I sweating in the Manhattan heat as I lug barrels of junk into my lobby – I’m playing hooky from the office!  I set this blog to post automatically, so technically it’s like I’m traveling into the future Marty McFly style.  Maybe, in the midst of moving, my mom and I will collide and swap brains for the day like in Freaky Friday.  If my next post is looks like something you would find in “More” magazine, you’ll know that I’m really a middle-aged woman in a quarter-aged body. But enough about me – let’s get back to this supposedly unlucky day.  Take a moment and try to guess what movie marathon I am going to suggest… You got it – Friday the 13th!!!!  If I can’t spend the day in Lindsay Lohan’s mind (or, if you’re old school and not totally bonkers, Jodie Foster), then quality time with Jason is the next best thing.  EPIX has all 6 of the Friday the 13thmovie franchise and you can watch them online at any time or on the EPIX Network tonight starting at 9:30pm EDT into the wee hours of the morning.  There’s nothing like watching a murderous rampage in the dark of night, right? Proving that I’m not the only loony toon on the EPIX team, Jason (name coincidence?) put some hilarious – and I mean HILARIOUS – promotional videos that re-create the best scenes from Friday the 13th but star balloons instead of people.  Yup, balloons being murdered by Jason.  I bet you haven’t heard this much latex pop since prom night. I hope you take the entire day off to do the appropriate thing and watch the movies.  While you’re sitting back watching Jason do his thing think of me disassembling IKEA furniture that was never assembled correctly in the first place.  Leave a comment below telling me what you think of the clips!  With names like “You Axed for It,” “Give that Man a Handstand,” and “Keep an Eye out for Jason” you know you’re in for a laugh.  Don’t forget my personal favorite, “The Double Thrust.”  There is penetration involved… by a spear, of course! L.T.

In Case You Didn’t Notice… Today is Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th - Ohhh spooooooky! I’ve been referring to today as “D-Day” for the past couple of weeks because I am moving today.  Yup, right at this very moment I sweating in the Manhattan heat as I lug barrels of junk into my lobby – I’m playing hooky from the office!  I set this blog to post automatically, so technically it’s like I’m traveling into the future Marty McFly style.  Maybe, in the midst of moving, my mom and I will collide and swap brains for the day like in Freaky Friday.  If my next post is looks like something you would find in “More” magazine, you’ll know that I’m really a middle-aged woman in a quarter-aged body.

But enough about me – let’s get back to this supposedly unlucky day.  Take a moment and try to guess what movie marathon I am going to suggest… You got it – Friday the 13th!!!!  If I can’t spend the day in Lindsay Lohan’s mind (or, if you’re old school and not totally bonkers, Jodie Foster), then quality time with Jason is the next best thing.  EPIX has all 6 of the Friday the 13thmovie franchise and you can watch them online at any time or on the EPIX Network tonight starting at 9:30pm EDT into the wee hours of the morning.  There’s nothing like watching a murderous rampage in the dark of night, right?

Proving that I’m not the only loony toon on the EPIX team, Jason (name coincidence?) put some hilarious – and I mean HILARIOUS – promotional videos that re-create the best scenes from Friday the 13th but star balloons instead of people.  Yup, balloons being murdered by Jason.  I bet you haven’t heard this much latex pop since prom night.

I hope you take the entire day off to do the appropriate thing and watch the movies.  While you’re sitting back watching Jason do his thing think of me disassembling IKEA furniture that was never assembled correctly in the first place. 

Leave a comment below telling me what you think of the clips!  With names like “You Axed for It,” “Give that Man a Handstand,” and “Keep an Eye out for Jason” you know you’re in for a laugh.  Don’t forget my personal favorite, “The Double Thrust.”  There is penetration involved… by a spear, of course!

L.T.

Free Mahi Mahi There comes a time in every young woman’s life where the culmination of her hopes and dreams finally come true; A moment where she can look back on her life and think “all of that hard work has finally paid off.”  Well, that moment is finally here for me.  Today EPIX got Bio-Dome – the Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin masterpiece that forever altered my formative years – and I plan to watch it on repeat until my eye lids require some sort of device from Saw to hold them open.  Yeah, I went there. Let’s have a brief history lesson – Bio-Dome came out in 1996, and suddenly I was trading my Beanie Babies, Pokemon and Tickle Me Elmo in for baby tees, Doc Martens and the “No Diggity” single.  After a shopping spree at Delia*s, I continued my transformation from a little kid into a miniature brunette Joey Lauren Adams (who dated my boy Kevin Smith – just had to throw that in there).  I became slightly obsessed with Kylie Minogue and aspired to be a tree-hugging scientist who not only mastered the Macarena, but also managed to do it without treading on the Earth. You know how everyone remembers where he or she was when JFK was shot? Well, since I was still waiting for a stork to come and swoop me up back when JFK was around, Bio-Dome is my 90’s equivalent to a momentous event.  I probably shouldn’t be announcing this to the world, but Pauly Shore totally changed my life.  As I watched it for the first time, a light bulb went off and I thought, “wait a second – being a little kid is lame!  I want to dress inappropriately and go to the mall!  I want to date a guy named Doyle who, despite being unemployed and borderline illiterate still makes me laugh!  I want to be trapped in a bubble for a year with a closet full of khaki jumpsuits!”  Ok fine, maybe not the jumpsuit (I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a member of the Dharma Initiative) but the rest of my aspirations still apply today.  It’s never too late, right? Which un-suspecting film really altered the way you acted or your life perspective?  Sure, Schindler’s List will forever change everyone who sees it, but it is a rare breed that can brag about being influenced by a movie that gives Pauly Shore top billing rights.  Leave a comment letting me know your answer – and extra points if your reply includes Showgirls. L.T.

Free Mahi Mahi

There comes a time in every young woman’s life where the culmination of her hopes and dreams finally come true; A moment where she can look back on her life and think “all of that hard work has finally paid off.”  Well, that moment is finally here for me.  Today EPIX got Bio-Dome – the Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin masterpiece that forever altered my formative years – and I plan to watch it on repeat until my eye lids require some sort of device from Saw to hold them open.  Yeah, I went there.

Let’s have a brief history lesson – Bio-Dome came out in 1996, and suddenly I was trading my Beanie Babies, Pokemon and Tickle Me Elmo in for baby tees, Doc Martens and the “No Diggity” single.  After a shopping spree at Delia*s, I continued my transformation from a little kid into a miniature brunette Joey Lauren Adams (who dated my boy Kevin Smith – just had to throw that in there).  I became slightly obsessed with Kylie Minogue and aspired to be a tree-hugging scientist who not only mastered the Macarena, but also managed to do it without treading on the Earth.

You know how everyone remembers where he or she was when JFK was shot? Well, since I was still waiting for a stork to come and swoop me up back when JFK was around, Bio-Dome is my 90’s equivalent to a momentous event.  I probably shouldn’t be announcing this to the world, but Pauly Shore totally changed my life.  As I watched it for the first time, a light bulb went off and I thought, “wait a second – being a little kid is lame!  I want to dress inappropriately and go to the mall!  I want to date a guy named Doyle who, despite being unemployed and borderline illiterate still makes me laugh!  I want to be trapped in a bubble for a year with a closet full of khaki jumpsuits!”  Ok fine, maybe not the jumpsuit (I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a member of the Dharma Initiative) but the rest of my aspirations still apply today.  It’s never too late, right?

Which un-suspecting film really altered the way you acted or your life perspective?  Sure, Schindler’s List will forever change everyone who sees it, but it is a rare breed that can brag about being influenced by a movie that gives Pauly Shore top billing rights.  Leave a comment letting me know your answer – and extra points if your reply includes Showgirls.

L.T.