LT Features

“Crack, Crack” – My Heart I’m thinking about becoming a matchmaker.  Don’t worry, I won’t abandon LT Features, but I do think I need to capitalize on my true skills.  You see, I have realized that there is a science to dating and, for a small price, I’m willing to share my secret with the world.  Ok fine, twist my arm, I’ll tell you for free.  Ready for it?  Here I go - I have realized that it is all about supply and demand.  Most girls’ daydreams are filled with images of Leonardo DiCaprio fanning them with a giant leaf or Channing Tatum feeding them grapes.  Who wouldn’t love to have Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler on their arm?  Because they’re all so desperately handsome and charming they are thus harder to get to because their demand is high.  Dating an A-list star is difficult because there are a relatively small number of eligible celebrity bachelors compared to the number of regular ol’ folk like me… err, I mean the clients I would be setting up.  I say it is about time we all smartened up and decided to set my sights our sites on the real talent out there – the Directors! Stop the presses!  I have just been informed that my dearly beloved, Eli Roth, has (allegedly) proposed to his girlfriend, Peaches.  Now I am a classy girl so I won’t say anything mean about Peaches but really, Eli?  Really?? I thought we had something!  Remember when you exorcised me and basically saved my life?  Remember when you re-tweeted me?  Remember out time at Comic-Con?  Do those memories mean NOTHING to you?  I just looked up “Eli Roth, Los Angeles” in the white pages and the number provided is not correct.  No sir, not correct at all.  Why Eli, why?  Way to ruin my long weekend. Ugh.  I’ll fill you in on our EPIX Live: Lewis Black event tomorrow after I watch The Love Guru on repeat and eat the pain away.  Read my post on how to win the hat signed by that heartbreaker Eli and Daniel Stamm… I don’t want it anymore! L.T.

“Crack, Crack” – My Heart

I’m thinking about becoming a matchmaker.  Don’t worry, I won’t abandon LT Features, but I do think I need to capitalize on my true skills.  You see, I have realized that there is a science to dating and, for a small price, I’m willing to share my secret with the world.  Ok fine, twist my arm, I’ll tell you for free.  Ready for it?  Here I go - I have realized that it is all about supply and demand.  Most girls’ daydreams are filled with images of Leonardo DiCaprio fanning them with a giant leaf or Channing Tatum feeding them grapes.  Who wouldn’t love to have Brad Pitt or Gerard Butler on their arm?  Because they’re all so desperately handsome and charming they are thus harder to get to because their demand is high.  Dating an A-list star is difficult because there are a relatively small number of eligible celebrity bachelors compared to the number of regular ol’ folk like me… err, I mean the clients I would be setting up.  I say it is about time we all smartened up and decided to set my sights our sites on the real talent out there – the Directors!

Stop the presses! 

I have just been informed that my dearly beloved, Eli Roth, has (allegedly) proposed to his girlfriend, Peaches.  Now I am a classy girl so I won’t say anything mean about Peaches but really, Eli?  Really?? I thought we had something!  Remember when you exorcised me and basically saved my life?  Remember when you re-tweeted me?  Remember out time at Comic-Con?  Do those memories mean NOTHING to you?  I just looked up “Eli Roth, Los Angeles” in the white pages and the number provided is not correct.  No sir, not correct at all.  Why Eli, why?  Way to ruin my long weekend.

Ugh.  I’ll fill you in on our EPIX Live: Lewis Black event tomorrow after I watch The Love Guru on repeat and eat the pain away.  Read my post on how to win the hat signed by that heartbreaker Eli and Daniel Stamm… I don’t want it anymore!

L.T.

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