LT Features

Gobble, Gobble Halloween, shmalloween!  We are only three short weeks away from Thanksgiving and there is so much that needs to be done… and I’m not talking about decorating the table or meeting with your therapist to develop social tactics to deal with that creepy uncle that always pops up this time of year.  I’m talking about making prime use of the smorgasbord that is Thanksgiving dinner.  I know the whole point of holiday dinners is for them to be special and that’s why we don’t indulge in them often, but on the same token it is a lot of pressure to get all of your turkey, stuffing and gelatinous cranberry sauce consumption in all in one day.  I have spent years perfecting my stomach-stretching strategy and, although I was planning on writing a how-to book on the subject, I would like to share some of my tips with you for free.  First of all, it is essential to start your training at the right time.  I learned the hard way that starting the training process too early in the game can lead to major pulled muscles and, regardless of how many times you run up and down the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, you won’t be able to stuff any more stuffing in your stomach.  You see, the key to being able to really load up on Thanksgiving is stamina – not girth.  Take a look at the professional competitive eaters out there – they aren’t a bunch of over-weight people who like food – they’re serious about their craft and take the art of eating to a whole new level.  So, without further ado, here is my secret: you need to slowly add extra meals into your day so that your stomach expands.  A common mistake is to just add quantity to the size of the meals that you normally eat, but that is such a rookie mistake.  You need to stretch the stomach over time so that when Thanksgiving finally arrives you’re ready to put your game face (and your bib) on.  My point is that to get the appropriate amount of pumpkin pie into your pie-hole, you really need to put some thought into it.  You can’t just strut up to the table, throw candied yams at your face all willy-nilly and expect to be able to pack away the food like you want to unless you prepare.  Part of the training process obviously involves watching movies in which food is a major player.  You need to de-sensitize yourself to obscene amounts of consumption.  Then, like Alexander DeLarge, you’ll be all set to attack that bird like nobody’s business.  My film suggestions for optimization of the next three weeks: Body Count(you’ll have to watch to get the Thanksgiving connection), What’s Cooking?,  Hannah and Her Sisters, Fast Food, Big Night, Eat Drink Man Woman andA Feast at Midnight.  What other Thanksgiving flicks am I missing?  And, more importantly, how are you training for the biggest day of the year?  Leave a comment below and let me know! L.T. 

Gobble, Gobble

Halloween, shmalloween!  We are only three short weeks away from Thanksgiving and there is so much that needs to be done… and I’m not talking about decorating the table or meeting with your therapist to develop social tactics to deal with that creepy uncle that always pops up this time of year.  I’m talking about making prime use of the smorgasbord that is Thanksgiving dinner.  I know the whole point of holiday dinners is for them to be special and that’s why we don’t indulge in them often, but on the same token it is a lot of pressure to get all of your turkey, stuffing and gelatinous cranberry sauce consumption in all in one day.  I have spent years perfecting my stomach-stretching strategy and, although I was planning on writing a how-to book on the subject, I would like to share some of my tips with you for free. 

First of all, it is essential to start your training at the right time.  I learned the hard way that starting the training process too early in the game can lead to major pulled muscles and, regardless of how many times you run up and down the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, you won’t be able to stuff any more stuffing in your stomach.  You see, the key to being able to really load up on Thanksgiving is stamina – not girth.  Take a look at the professional competitive eaters out there – they aren’t a bunch of over-weight people who like food – they’re serious about their craft and take the art of eating to a whole new level.  So, without further ado, here is my secret: you need to slowly add extra meals into your day so that your stomach expands.  A common mistake is to just add quantity to the size of the meals that you normally eat, but that is such a rookie mistake.  You need to stretch the stomach over time so that when Thanksgiving finally arrives you’re ready to put your game face (and your bib) on. 

My point is that to get the appropriate amount of pumpkin pie into your pie-hole, you really need to put some thought into it.  You can’t just strut up to the table, throw candied yams at your face all willy-nilly and expect to be able to pack away the food like you want to unless you prepare.  Part of the training process obviously involves watching movies in which food is a major player.  You need to de-sensitize yourself to obscene amounts of consumption.  Then, like Alexander DeLarge, you’ll be all set to attack that bird like nobody’s business.  My film suggestions for optimization of the next three weeks: Body Count(you’ll have to watch to get the Thanksgiving connection), What’s Cooking?,  Hannah and Her Sisters, Fast Food, Big Night, Eat Drink Man Woman andA Feast at Midnight. 

What other Thanksgiving flicks am I missing?  And, more importantly, how are you training for the biggest day of the year?  Leave a comment below and let me know!

L.T.