LT Features

5:33pm
9th Dec 2010

Knock ‘Em Out

EPIX’s own G. Wills once gave me some interesting dating advice – he said that the only excuse a guy ever has for not calling you back within an hour or two is that he’s watching a Rocky marathon. So, with that tidbit of information on the opposite sex in mind, I would like to remind all of the girls out there that patience is a virtue and warn them that they might be sitting around for a couple hours waiting for their phones to ring because EPIX now has – count them – five of the Rocky flicks. I’m no math wiz, but at around 2 ½ hours each, times 5, plus some bathroom and beer breaks… I would say you should expect it to be about 13 hours before you’re getting a call back. Sorry about that.

Or – since this is the new millennium and women are allowed to wear pants and vote and stuff, you could even watch the movies alongside your guy! For those of you who are new to the franchise, I’ll give you the highlights: First Rocky climbs the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and then he battles Apollo Creed. Next he takes on Apollo again who demands a rematch – drama! In the third installment “Eye of the Tiger” pops up and Rocky fights James “Clubber” Lang (played by Mr. T). Rocky also fights Thunderlips played by “real” life wrestler Hulk Hogan. I guess better to be called Thunderlips than thunder-thighs… right? In the fourth film Apollo dies and Rocky battles Ivan Drago, also known as “The Russian.” Dolph Lundgren plays Drago and he and Sylvester Stallone must have hit it off (“hit,” get it?) off-screen as well because good old Dolphy pops up again in Sly’s 2010 hit The Expendables. The fifth film in the series marks the return of the first film’s Director, John G. Avildsen (Rocky II-IV were directed by Sly himself) and was also the first of the films to get a PG-13 rating – how risqué! Rocky fights Tommy Gunn and although the original screenplay ended with Rocky’s death in a street brawl, he makes it through yet again.